Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Wait. What's the Service, Again?

"CREATIVE TOUCH THERAPY: Alleviate stress, muscle tension, improve circulation, encourage overall well-being.  Techniques meet your needs."
- classified ad in the Rock River Times

Monday, November 29, 2010

Trusting Men

"Stop trusting in a man, who has but a breath in his nostrils.  Of what account is he?"
 - Isaiah 2:22

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Lies

"He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it easier to do it a second time."
- Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Are Brains Important?

"The first testicular guard, the 'Cup,' was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974 That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important."

Monday, November 15, 2010

Rulers

"You're the President of the United States, and I'm the Emperor of Uranus!"

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Learn to Dance

"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting to get into the bathroom."
- Bob Hope

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Your Own Oxen

"Plow your land with the oxen you have."
 - Spanish proverb

Friday, November 12, 2010

What's It Like?

CHARLES BARKLEY
What's it like to have fewer championship rings than Jack Haley?

- Steve Rosenbloom, Chicago Tribune, July 2, 1996

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Productivity

"John Wesley traveled 250,000 miles on horseback, averaging twenty miles a day for forty years; preached 4,000 sermons; produced 400 books; knew ten languages.  At eighty-three he was annoyed that he could not write more than fifteen hours a day without hurting his eyes, and at eighty-six he was ashamed he could not preach more than twice a day.  He complained in his diary that there was an increasing desire to lie in bed until 5:30 in the morning."

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Cheerful

"I went to see Major General Harrison hung, drawn, and quartered.  He was looking as cheerful as any man could in that condition."
 - Samuel Pepys

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

A Poem to Milk

Dear sweet milk,
I miss you the most.
I bought almond milk to replace you,
And it was really gross.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Stop Arguing

"Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference."

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Greed

"It would be wrong to let them keep the money if we can take it from them."

Friday, November 5, 2010

Remember the 5th of November

"Remember, remember the 5th of November. The gunpowder, treason, and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot."
 - V, V for Vendetta

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Baby Names

"My daughter just suggested we name the baby 'Glasshole.'"
 - Tim Young

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Understatement

“Certainly, anything that creates jobs is exciting for this area.”
 - Steve Clark, as quoted by the Rockford Register Star

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Reason

"The reason NBA players complain about the officiating is the same reason Jon Stewart gave it to Larry King for pillorying CNN: It’s terrible."
 - Kevin Hench, FoxSports.com