Saturday, October 30, 2010

Security v. Liberty

"Most people want security in this world, not liberty."
- H. L. Mencken

Friday, October 29, 2010

Dog Eat Dog

"It's a dog-eat-dog world, and we're wearing Milk Bone underwear."

Thursday, October 28, 2010

I'll Help

"I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?"

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Hardest Thing

"The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else."

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


"Until they follow you’re just a dude waving his hands and saying some words."
 - Adam McLane

Sunday, October 24, 2010


"Even the losers get lucky sometimes."
- Tom Petty

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Ultimate Collection of Gold Digger Quotes

In 2008, I submitted a Quote of the Day titled "Gold Digger."  In the two years since, this entry has become the single-most popular entry on the site by a long shot.  Obviously, the post hit something that people were looking for.  Well, I'm going to give the people what they want.

This blog is here for people who Google "gold digger quotes," which apparently happens a lot.  Most of them are unattributed because, well, I have no idea who came up with this stuff.  I sure didn't.  I'm not that bitter, nor that clever.  Some of them are admittedly out-dated, and some of them blur the line (if that's possible) between gold digger and plain old-fashioned hooker.  They're still here.  Deal with it.

Here is the Ultimate Collection of Gold Digger Quotes.

"A couple were having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, 'If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!'  The wife replied, 'My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here.'"

"A fellow said he would go through anything for her, so she started right off with his bank account."

"A fellow starts out by calling her 'Sugar' and winds up a sad saccharine."

"A fellow's love letters are her jilt-edge securities."

"A guy never knows the worth of her love until she sues him for breach of promise."

"A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!"

"After a guy has spent all of his dollars, she recovers her sense."

"All she looks for in a man is brown eyes and green money."

"Her idea of a romantic setting is one with a diamond in it."

"Her hobby is collecting romantic antiques--rich old geezers."

"Her motto is: 'Dough or die.'"

"Her motto is: 'Every man for myself.'"

"Her motto is: 'Think--Mink!"

"If you spoon around with her you have to fork over."

"In her estimation, a man doesn't have to be much if he has much."

"It's hard to figure what she would have found attractive about men if she had lived before money was invented."

"It's not too difficult to find her.  Just open your wallet, and there she is!"

"It's the little things about a husband that she likes, like small penthouses, small yachts, small racing stables, and small life expectancies."

"It's the thought--not the gift--that counts with her, and the bigger it is the more it counts."

"Magic is her hobby--like getting mink off an old goat."

"Men call her 'Sugar' and wind up paying her a lump sum."

"Men of means are worth her wiles."

“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.”

“No woman marries for money; they are all clever enough, before marrying a millionaire, to fall in love with him first.”
- Cesare Pavese

"Once she gets a guy on the spot, she takes him to the cleaners."

"She brings out the animal in men--mink."

"She buys spring clothes in the middle of the winter for summer romances with fall guys."

"She doesn't talk all the time.  Sometimes she listens--when money talks."

"She doesn't believe in love blindfolded--she wants it bill-folded."

"She doesn't especially care for a man's company unless he owns it."

"She doesn't mind if a man doesn't fit the bill, so long as he foots it."

"She doesn't mind men who love her and leave her, provided they leave her enough."

"She doesn't mind whose means she lives beyond."

"She dresses on credit, but she'll only undress for cash."

"She drops in occasionally to take his wallet for a walk."

"She falls in love at purse sight."

"She gets a grand and glorious feeling when a fellow makes love to her--especially a grand."

"She gets her mind by being like a fox and playing cat-and-mouse with a wolf."

"She hails from the corn belt, but all she's interested in now is the money belt.

"She has a million-dollar smile.  She only smiles at guys with a million dollars."

"She has a split personality.  Any time she finds a man with money, she's willing to split it with him."

"She has been tried and found wanting everything money can buy her."

"She has great sympathy for a lonely man who needs someone to share a bank account with him."

"She knows how to stay in the mink of condition."

"She likes a guy whose conversation sparkles--with things like emeralds, rubies, diamonds, and sapphires."

"She likes men who go for stocks and bonds and put their stock in blondes."

"She likes men who, when they look at her, make dollar signs run up and down her spine."

"She loves a man for all he's worth--after he passes the assets test."

"She loves a man for his money up to a certain point--the decimal point."

"She may be good for nothing, but she's never bad for nothing."

"She may get married someday.  She's just waiting for the right amount to come along."

"She measures a man's love by the carat."

"She meets a wolf at the door and appears the next day in a fur coat."

"She met a man who had more money than he knew what to do with.  Now she has had it--and he's had it."

"She never kisses a man with beer on his breath--it has to be champagne."

"She never sells herself for cash--she takes checks, stocks, bonds, and shares in oil wells."

"She once married a guy for money.  She divorced him for the same reason."

"She paints the town red with a guy with a bankroll--she gives him the brush when it's gone."

"She prefers men who go for the refined things in life--like oil."

"She prefers men who have something tender about them--legal tender."

"She scoffs at the idea of going to a psychiatrist.  Why should she lie down on a man's couch, and then pay him?"

"She speaks only in money-syllables."

"She spells 'Matrimony' 'Matter-o' money.'"

"She sure has the gift of grab."

"She sure knows how to mine her own business, especially where diamonds are concerned."

"She takes everything that a guy can buy; then she takes another guy."

"She took her last three husbands not for better or worse, but for good."

"She'll go out with every Tom, Dick, and Harry, provided they bring jack along."

"She's a girl with a past, and the only way to figure in her future is with a present."

"She's going around with an eccentric rich guy who's really cracked; but she doesn't mind, so long as he isn't broke."

"She's a good listener--when money talks."

"She's a great after-dinner speaker.  When she speaks to a man, she's after dinner."

"She's a human gimme-pig."

"She's a vegetarian.  She only goes out with men with plenty of lettuce."

"She's always ready to go out for a little fund."

"She's climbing the ladder of success lad by lad and wrong by wrong."

"She's getting along  fine--by lips and bonds."

"She's going out with a sugar daddy.  He met her thirty-five checks ago."

"She's looking for a generous man--one she can take to, and from."

"She's looking for a rich guy to make her dreams come through."

"She's looking for a rich man who wants to take her away from it all.  Then she'll take it all away from him."

"She loves everything about America--the people of America, the songs of America, the Bank of America."

"She's the cream in a guy's coffee as long as he has plenty of sugar."

"She's the one exception to the law of gravity.  It's easier to pick her up than to drop her."

"She's working at loving--for a living."

"Since her latest boyfriend met her, he can't eat, he can't sleep and he can't drink.  He's broke."

"So far as men are concerned, she can take them or leave them.  After she takes them, she leaves them."

"Some girls frame the first dollar they ever made.  She framed the first man."

"Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did."
 - Henny Youngman

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less."
 - Brendon Francis

"The only love nest she's interested in is an eight-room apartment feathered with cash down."

"The only man she'll go out with is one who is tall, dark, and has some."

"The only thing she's ever been taken in by is a girdle."

"The two faces of a coin decides a woman’s mind. Heads, they go for money. Tails, they go for money."

"There are three ways of losing money: racing is the quickest, women the most pleasant, and farming the most certain."
 - Lord Amherst

"There isn't a man who can pin anything on her not made of diamonds , or hang anything on her not made of pearls."

"We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops."

"What she looks for in a man is fiscal fitness."

"When a guy goes out with her, he may have his head in the clouds, but she has her hand in his pocket."

"When a person with money meets a person with experience, the person with the experience winds up with the money and the person with the money winds up with the experience."
- Harvey MacKay 

"When it comes to men she prefers the strong, solvent type."

"When she threatens to tell a guy's wife, the furs really fly."

"When money stops talking, she starts walking."

"Whenever she sued for breach of promise she was calm--and collected."

"With her, romance starts with sentiment and ends with a settlement."
"Women are like banks, they take every cent you got and give you very little interest."

"Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially the legal kind."
- Kay Ingram

"You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it."
 - Henny Youngman  

Don't Bask, Don't Smell

"Pentagon study shows prolonged sunbathing in full uniform creates odor issues. May institute "Don't Bask, Don't Smell" regulations."
 - Pat Sajak

Friday, October 22, 2010

Celebrity Questions

"Working on new Wheel category: Celebrity Question. Ex: Is Martin Short? Can Bonnie Hunt? Does William Hurt? Does Bobby Flay? Is Marvin Gaye?"
 - Pat Sajak

Thursday, October 21, 2010


"Romance often begins by a splashing waterfall and ends over a leaky sink."

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Missing the Apocalypse

"A new critique argues the accepted conversions of dates from the Mayan to the modern calendar may be off by as much as 50 to 100 years, throwing in doubt that the world will end on Dec. 12, 2012."

Monday, October 18, 2010

Happy Boss's Day

"...wishes a happy Boss's Day (observed) to all her bossy friends and family."
- Trish O'Brien

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Favre Texts

"As it turns out, those texts from Brett Favre were ACTUALLY intended for his wife Deanna... But like everything he sends, they were intercepted."

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Lost In Translation

"Do I get paid for that?"
"Yeah, exactly."

No, seriously.  I want to know if I'm getting paid or not.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Activist Pacifist

"It's funny how most activists are pacifists."
- Craig Bruce

Monday, October 11, 2010

Confounding the Wise

"Nothing can confound a wise man more than laughter from a dunce."
 - Lord Byron

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Live Wisely

"If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one."

Saturday, October 9, 2010

What is Sleep?

"I am finding sleep is really just a symptom of caffeine deprivation..."
 - Kent Wold

Friday, October 8, 2010

Can't Live Without

"If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?"

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I've Failed

"I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career.  I've lost almost three hundred games.  Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I've failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed."
 - Michael Jordan