Monday, August 31, 2009

The Browns QB Myth

"Well, with Week 1 fast approaching the Browns still have two quarterbacks vying for the starting job, which means, of course, they have no quarterback."

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - X

"Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half"

There's the solution for Rockford, Mayor Morrissey!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - VIII

"New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group"

That's not very nice.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - VII

"Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"

I guess it could have been a double suicide?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - VI

"Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures"

Wet weather linked to rain...
Solar activity linked to sun...
Stupid people linked to low IQ...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - V

"If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile"

Umm, yeah?

Monday, August 24, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - IV

"War Dims Hope for Peace"

That tends to be how these things work, I guess.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - III

"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"

What if he's innocent?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Friday, August 21, 2009

Newspapers are Stupid - I

"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"

The crashing part?

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Stupid Government

"Government: if you think the problems we create are bad, just wait til you see our solutions."

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Wow.

"My wife doesn't like to do the things that I like to do on the weekends!"
"Like what?"
"Like going out and picking up chicks!"

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

My Problem

"The single largest problem in my life is that not everyone sees me the way Jenny does."

Monday, August 17, 2009

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Oh, Megan.

"She's got a beautiful body. No talent, though."

Hey, I don't make this stuff up. I just repeat it.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Not a Lawyer

"I'm not a lawyer, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express once."

Friday, August 14, 2009

Slumming It

"I mean you just wanna have your fling with like the guy from the other side of town. Then you're going to go off to Stanford, you're going to marry some rich prick who your parents will approve of and just sit around with the other trust fund babies and talk about how you went slumming too, once."

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Shove It

"Stick them where solar radiation is unlikely to penetrate."

Such an articulate way to say the same thing in a new way. :)

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Tag Team?

"The government should neither recognize nor deny marriage, partnerships, or tag team wrestling duos."

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Vince Young

"Future Hall of Famers usually know when they'll start again."

Monday, August 10, 2009

Sunday, August 9, 2009

I Knew That

"The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance -- it is the illusion of knowledge."

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Big Government

"A government big enough to give you everything you need is powerful enough to take everything you have."
-- Thomas Jefferson

I'm pretty sure we are way past that.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Correct

"Political correctness is tyranny with manners."

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Equality

"All men are created equal, but some are created more equal than others."

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A Ruined Reputation

"That's ok, my opinion of you was never really that high."

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Failure to Communicate

"Borrowed a tv, they said I stole it. It was a big mess."

Monday, August 3, 2009

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Relief!

"I'll ponder this conversation and send you all of the solutions in 3-6 weeks."